The rest of first week Post-Apocalypse

 Day three brought the 2 Timothy tattoo I had been considering for years because:

  1. I need to see those words constantly and
  2. I wanted something other than my heart to hurt.
I went straight from the tattoo shop to the board attorney's office to meet J and the board.  I was hopeful that they would find a way to let J finish, so we didn't have to add financial instability to our list of issues.  I felt bad for them as they tearfully asked for J's resignation then prayed over us.  J expected this to be the only option; I, however, felt it as another unexpected blow.  We had our 1st counseling session, and it seemed helpful.

Day 4-
J had to give his resignation by 5:00.  I went to school and gave the kids a good day of learning while J met individually with all supervisors and explained honestly why he needed to resign. Miss thing (affair ho) wasn't able to drag her ass to work, poor baby.  I was still numb and just wanted to support him.  Thankful for the Lunesta, or I wouldn't be able to sleep at all and would struggle to go to school.

The rest of this 1sat week was J struggling to stay on his feet and me fighting overwhelming sadness.  J was very apologetic, and I spent the whole week thinking/ reflecting on what I did or didn't do to contribute to his crappy choices.  I just can't fathom it.  I can't understand how watching porn leads to a full-blown affair with an AVERAGE employee.

At the end of the first week (day 9 maybe?) I went with J to clean out his office because I didn't want him to have to do it alone.  It was SICKENING to stand in his doorway like she did and think about how this life destruction got started.  It was extremely sad to pack up his 23 years in this way.  At this point, all I can do is focus on being a team for as long as we can continue. I have no idea if I am strong enough to stay married.  I know that God will provide what we both need to continue on our journey, regardless of how that journey ends.


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